Raging Bully, Bub
by Baron Zemo
Summary: Buford challenges Phineas to a wrestling competition. Phineas receives training by Wolverine. Meanwhile, Perry must team up with Bucky in order to stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz and the Hood...
1. Chapter 1

"**Raging Bully, Bub." **

**Disclaimers: I do not own ****Dan Povenmire**** and ****Jeff "Swampy" Marsh****'s Phineas and Ferb – one of the best animated television series ever – neither do I own Marvel's (more specifically) **Len Wein, John Romita Sr. and Herb Trimpe's **Wolverine – one of the best comic book characters ever…** (No infringement is intended…)

_This story took place JUST RIGHT before the Amazing Spider-Man "Birthday Boy", not that any of you non-Marvel fans would care…_

**Logan's POV: **

Googolplex Mall… a combination of words that belong to two categories: _nerds _and… er… _geeks_.

I mean… it is said that the name _Googolplex_ comes from the mathematical term meaning 1 followed by a googol (10100) of zeros (1010100). I said: BORING.

I have strolled around the mall, bought and ate the corn dog from the Mr. Slushy Dawg_, _ate the cheeseburger from the slushy burger, meeting their Clown…  
**Flashback:**

**Clown:** Pickles so green,  
and meat so brown,  
Lunchtime's fun with

Slushy the Clown! What do you think of the jingle, Sir?

**Logan:** ('snikt!') What do _you_ think…? Bub?

**Now:**

As what exactly happened to the poor tubby, I leave it to your imagination.  
Everything here is perfectly normal and so… peaceful. A perfect place for my…

(c'mon, say it.) _birthday. _Well, I wouldn't so sure about PERFECTLY NORMAL. A minute ago, I walked passed through a platypus… _yes, a teeny, weeny platypus_… wearing a fedora hat and walking hurriedly on its 2 feet. "Indiana Jones' pet?" I smothered a snort. Then, it shot a murderous stare at me. Reflexively, I unsheathed my claws 'snikt!' and it reflexively took off 2… sticks… and made an Eskrima stance… That's a Filipino martial art, by the way.

"…"

We just stared at each other I finally whispered to it… since I thought it couldn't possibly speak (or could it?) _"You don't tell anyone about this… and I ain't gonna do nothing, deal?"_ it made a thumb up and finally walked through me, went to the drinking machine, tapped its right, otter foot to it (I can't exactly see it) and it just vanished. "Last time I'm gonna encounter the strangest thing on Earth,"

I was SO wrong…

**Meanwhile…**

**Phineas and Ferb's POV:**

"Well, THAT was an interesting experiment…" Phineas mused. He and his stepbrother Ferb were performing an experiment to see how long it takes for the top scoop of to melt off of a double scoop ice cream cone. "Um, excuse me..." Baljeet, who was sitting next to Phineas asked him, "but why aren't you studying...?" "It's summer vacation! You know? No school... when you don't have to worry about bullies and teachers are not around and..." Well, the latter was true... but the former was not... as out of nowhere the big, fat Buford who wore the Punisher T-shirt sat next on Phineas ... literally sitting on Baljeet... who immediately drank Baljeet's milk shake, threw it away and hit it accidentally on... WOLVERINE'S FACE!

**Logan's POV:**

Oh, why, he son of a 'bleep', not on my 'bleep'ing birthday and my 'bleep'ing face. That 'bleep' is so 'bleep'ing dead.

**Phineas and Ferb's POV:**

"Hey, Buford! That seat is kinda taken." Phineas said nonchalantly... he didn't know of the meaning RUN AWAY FROM BULLIES. "This table is taken, go seat somewhere else..." Buford growled. "But what about Baljeet?" Phineas inquired, pointing Baljeet with his scoop of ice cream. Accidentally, the Phineas accidentally drops his last scoop of ice cream on Buford's pants, making everyone in the food court laugh. "I hate you!" Buford whimpered. Then, he snagged on Phineas' shirt and snarled, "This... is GONNA hurt!"

"HEY! Put him down!" Isabella yelled, and Baljeet said, "Violence can only lead to MORE violence,"  
"Sounds good to me." Buford snorted.

"Hold it, Bubs!" And everyone gasped in awe.

"NEW AVENGERS' and X-MEN'S WOLVERINE?!"  
"Aren't you a little _too old_ to be a super-hero?" Phineas asked. Ferb once said that he was born in the late 1800s.

Logan rolled his eyes and sighed, "Yes. Yes, I am..."

Phineas and Buford looked at each other, forgetting that they are bully and bullied, and exclaimed, "COOL!"  
"If you two want to fight," Logan said, "Do it at 3 o'clock... I wanna watch you two fight,"  
"But, why 3?" Buford asked, "I'm listening to this nice lady who is playing jazz." Logan answered. ("Oh, It's Mum." Phineas whispered to Ferb.)  
"Hey, Ferb, how's our 3 o'clock?" Ferb quickly looked at his schedule and nodded... "We'll be there!" Phineas said. "Don't be late! My Dad is picking me up at 4!" Buford warned him, and walked away...

"Ferb, I know what we are gonna do today!" Phineas said catch-phrase.

"What you gonna do is suicide!" Baljeet said. "He's right! Remember what happened to the last guy who fought Buford?" Isabella reminded Phineas.

**Flashback:**

**The-Last-Guy-Who-Fought-Buford:** _(head dunked on the toilet) you win this round, Buford..._

**Now: **

"I don't want that to happen to you..." "It won't happen because Wolverine is gonna train me!" Phineas said confidently.

"WHAT?!" Logan yelled. "But I was gonna..." But the whole mall had already been filled with cheers of "Wolverine! Wolverine! Wolverine!" and Logan sighed and said, "Ah, okay..."

**To Be Continued.**


	2. Chapter 2

"**You DO Realize This Fellow Is A Platypus?"**

**Logan's POV:**

_Dear Father in High Heaven, it's me – James Howlett – I know that I'm not one of your favourites… I mean… I cursed a lot… I'd killed, assassinated and murdered … lots and lots of people… though many of them DO deserve it… I'm not praying enough… I'm not going to church enough… I'm not… well… abiding whatever Your ten commandments stated… so I guessed I knew that one day Thou shall punish me… but… but…_

_THIS?!_

"Mr. Wolverine? Or do you prefer Mr. Logan? So when do we start my training?" the red-haired, triangle-headed, annoyingly optimistic kid called Phineas asked. GOD… IF YOU DO EXIST… WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!

This is Phineas Flynn: _An incurable optimist, Phineas constantly looks on the brighter side of things. He is as well extremely smart, creative, and persistent, causing him to build immensely large__inventions and activities__with his less-talkative stepbrother.__ The activities they devise usually involve outlandish contraptions, including roller coasters,__haunted houses,__and roller rinks, which Phineas designs and Ferb builds._

"Follow me…" Logan instructed him. "We'll go someplace more… discreet… where we can have more privacy; then, we can… decide… what's gonna happen to you in 3 o'clock_," ("__**Ferb**__… you __**never **__told me that __**Wolverine **__is a __**psychic**__…")_

**MEANWHILE…  
Perry the Platypus's POV:**

"Sorry about the slide, Agent P... the slide waxing guy has jury duty this weekend…" Major Francis Monogram… prefers to be simply called Major Monogram, said apologetically. "Anyhow, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good yet again… only this time he has helps… big, bad Mojo…" Perry raised his eyebrow. "That was a joke; but seriously, he got himself a partner this time, Carl?" Then, Carl the Intern showed someone in the screen… someone sinister… just like the one Perry saw in the mall…

"Agent P… This is underworld criminal number one Parker Robbins… who apparently has a history with Burt Baskin… if you know what I mean," again, Perry raised his eyebrow. "_(Gosh darn it, I'm no good at this…)_ ANYHOO, as this man is notorious in New York, S.H.I.E.L.D. agency has sent one of his best agents to help to thwart him and Doofenshmirtz… Agent P… meets James Barnes, otherwise known as the Winter Soldier AND the 2nd Captain America."

Suddenly, a man dressed in a blue and black uniform with a circular shield fell from the ceiling and landed besides Perry smoothly. _("Typical," Monogram rolled his eyes. "Always with the showbiz.")  
_"And joining me today is the lovely Director Maria Hill." Suddenly, the large monitor screen showed a young tomboyish girl besides Monogram wearing black latex just like that Selene from the Underworld. "Barnes, you will join Agent P in capturing the Hood once and for all."

Bucky stared at Perry and asked the afore-mentioned question, "You DO realize this fellow is a platypus?"

"They're DISNEY CARTOON CHARACTERS, Barnes… just be glad it's not Goofy,"  
"Oooh, RRROOOWWLLL!" Monogram flirted. "Anyhoo, Go get them, gentlemen!"

"What?! That's it?! No files, no location, no back-up plans, no contacts?! What kind of mission is this?!" Bucky whined. But Perry had saluted and rushed away.

"It was enough for the cartoon character, you comic character," Monogram snapped. _("Oooh, Rowl!" Maria flirted.)_

_**MEANWHILE...  
Logan, Phineas and Ferb's POV:**_

_I thought after living for centuries, I have lost the capability for... well... amazement. I was wrong. This Phineas kid do not fail to amaze me. He is just 10 years old, for crying out loud.  
He played Dance Dance Revolution to gain speed and agility, dodging people in the opposing escalator for alertness and evasion, and.. oh, don't even start asking me about how he gained his strength: Cardio. I think I'm living in a Bizarro World. _"So, Coach, Am I a real deal or just a meal for the real deal?" he asked._ I'm terribly terribly tempted to reply that he's a dead meat. But he has this... I dunno, he has this way... the look in his eyes and his grin... almost hypnotic about it... you can't say negative thing. (Are you sure this kid has no superpower?) So, in the end I just give a thumb up and high five, while I pondered, "There goes my birthday party."_

**Bucky and Perry the Platypus's POV:**

"That's it." Bucky eventually said, when he tried to squeeze into Perry's hover car and the vehicle could not move due to... ah, you know. "We're driving my car."  
Afterwards, the two unlikely heroes drove Bucky's sophisticated flying car. "Now THIS is what I call THE 21st century car. It has pretty much everything. Besides its obvious capability to fly, it has a Radar, Subatomic Sonar, Nuclear Particle Response System... and an I-Phone 3GS..." Perry was curious about the funny-looking red button. But since it can't talk a human language, he just has to find out himself by pressing it. "DON'T TOUCH THAT! IT'S AN EJECT..." Too late, as Bucky was sent hurling out of the car, shouting incoherently, "...OR!"

It took a full half an hour for Perry to land the flying car in a parking lot and for Bucky to track his car, came in and said, "And I supposed you think that is funny?"

**To Be Continued.**

(Author's Note: As my piles of homework and study for end of year college exam is important, I only have time to post a story on weekend)


	3. Chapter 3

**"Where is Dr Doofus-Man?"**

While Phineas was preparing calmly but enthusiastically for the wrestling match at 3 o'clock, his "coach" Wolvie was just listening to an MP3 player, (he borrowed it from one of Phineas's friends, if you think it is ludicrous that Wolverine owned an MP3 player) playing Green Day song called Horseshoes and Handgrenades… he particularly liked the phrase:

'_Maybe you're the __**runner up**__, but the __**first **__one to __**lose**__ the race!'_

Everytime he heard that, he just couldn't help himself but chuckled softly. Phineas brought Wolvie back to reality when he called him, "Hey, Coach, it's 3 o'clock; Time to rumble!" "Wha…? Oh, yeah… it's clobbering time, as Ben said."

They, with Ferb, Baljeet and the Ferbettes went outside the Googolplex Mall, where the full-sized sort of wrestling ring was located. "Hey, I didn't see any ring was located here." Logan exclaimed, bewildered. "Oh, that was Ferb. He built it when I was training." Phineas said simply. Logan was dumb-founded, staring at the two… he sniffed at them, _they ain't lying! _WHO ARE THESE KIDS? Clones of Reed Richards and Tony Stark?!

**Meanwhile, **the newly formed dynamic duo (no, I do not mean Dick Grayson the Batman and Damian Wayne the Robin.) had almost approaching the lair of their opponents… and the tensions had never been this high… for Doofenshmirtz, the evil genius had teamed up with mentally unstable Hood, now known to be in unholy alliance with the Dreaded Dormammu…

The flying car was heading towards further and further away from America until they reached their unlikely destination: Big Ben?  
"Maybe we should split up," Bucky suggested, but Perry shook his head, so he said instead, "Okay, maybe we just…"  
"Captain America, leave Britain at once!" suddenly someone shouted from the nearest and tallest building; it's…  
"Captain Midlands, I presume…" Bucky grunted. Perry glared at the patriotic British war veteran and a right-wing analogue of Captain America. An eighty year old Brummie superhero, Captain Midlands is a grumpy old git… so something seemed… off here. _'He looked too young for 80 years old'_ pondered Perry… _and his shield…_

When the car was landed, the two Captains were giving each other information about their mission… Perry thought that Bucky shouldn't do this… since he might not be…

"S, I was here, with, 'a-hem!' the platypus… hunting the Hood and Doofus-Man… Waitaminnit… what's his name again…? Never mind that, we are going to arrest them, and we need your help… HECK, maybe we need Captain Britain and the MI-13…"

"Okay, sure no problem… just give me a second," Captain Midlands rummaged through a small brown pocket at his utility belt and took off a cell-phone… Bucky raised an eyebrow…

Perry then poked at Bucky's feet, trying to warn him… but Bucky looked at him… giving him a… well, a look, and then he just waited. Did that mean he too suspect Ridley? Whoever this guy was? "Okay, they will come here any moment…"  
"Thanks, Pete…" Bucky said.  
"No problem, Buck." He replied  
"I knew it," Bucky snapped and as fast as lightning struck a left hook to the impostor.

"Captain Midlands' real name is Sid Ridley… not Pete Wisdom; your shield resembled my shield and you looked young… I knew right away you were not him…"

"So why are you playing along?" the impostor mused, wiping away the blood at his lip; actually, _I wanted to ask him the same thing_, Perry nodded.

"So you'll lead us to Doofus-Man and that Red-Riding Hood" Bucky answered, pointing his large pistol towards the enemy.

"Puh-lease" he said, taking off his mask, revealing himself to be none other than** not-fan-favourite** (in fact, many want him dead, especially me… since he killed the Punisher!) **Daken Akihiro**.

"Why am I… surprised?" Bucky's pistol wavered slightly… then Bucky cursed himself; the son-of-a-bi*$# had vanished. Then, he reappeared behind Bucky and sliced off his left, bionic hand with his 2 black claws! Perry's jaw dropped and Daken grinned, raising his other arm, 'snikt!' popping off three retractable claws, 2 blacks and 1 silver-white, slicing for a kill… only to be kicked aside by Perry, who swiftly took off three-section staff or sān jié gùn or Sansetsukon or whatever… (it is kinda a nunchaku, really) and made a threatening glare at Daken. Before the mongrel could do anything, 'BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!' he was shot by Bucky, who had reattached his bionic arm. "Guess you didn't factor this," and he quickly made electrocuted Daken with his bionic palm which could stun. Daken was down, but he tried to get up… Perry readied himself but Bucky stopped him, "No, it's okay, this bastard ain't no longer be a problem," Daken panted, "Whuh, says who…" but suddenly he was having a seizure… Perry looked at Bucky inquiringly, to which Bucky answered, "the bullets which I used to fire at him contained carbonadium" still, Perry looked bewildered… "…which weakened him…" Perry made a hand gesture meaning: _How?_ But Bucky winced, "Who do you think am I: a nerd?"

"Anyhoo…" Bucky stared closely at Daken who was still at excruciating pain, "Where is the Hood?"

"_And Doofenshmirtz?"_ Perry added, but he only made a platypus sound.

**Meanwhile,**

**Googolplex Mall,**

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The announcer and/or the referee spoke and all the audience cheered. Hundreds of them!

_Jsus Christ!_ Logan couldn't believe it. _It's just two kids pretending to wrestle, what's there to be fussed about?! _

"He's from a bad home... He's missing a chromosome... Buford the Bully." He announced with his hand pointing at the west wing, Buford appeared, still in his Punisher suit, with his coach: Sabretooth?! (Imagine him like in the Wolverine movie)

"Victor?!" Logan popped his claws and growled. _("Uh-Oh!" Baljeet squeaked… "This is not good," Isabella said… "Fight, fight, fight," Phineas supported.)_

"Jimmy! Whoa, you looked great!" Creed just boomed. Then, he turned at Buford and told him, "Remember what I taught you, kid…"  
"Yes, sir"

Then, he and Buford stepped on the ring.

"NEXT! He's got moves... He's got grace... His nose takes up his entire face... Fabulous Phineas Flynn." All the audience again cheered, and even more louder when they saw Wolverine.

"Er, you people got the wrong guy!" Wolverine said through the mic. He couldn't risk letting the X-Men know that he was at the children's getaway! His reputation is on the line! (Well, then again the Sabretooth was here so... but the guy didn't care about honour so the man didn't count...) he"I'm not Wolverine! I'm a… er…" Think fast, Logan, THINK!

"I am Hugh Jackman."

"…"

"YEAAAAAAAHHHH!" And the entire ring resounded with scream.

Sabretooth snorted, "That would make me Liev Schreiber…."

**To Be Continued.**


	4. Chapter 4

"**Know Your Enemy!" (Part 1)**

**PS: This upcoming weekend is the Chinese New Year… thus I'll have a vacation and won't write any chapters till next week.**

(Author's note: This chapter's timeline was happening in New Avengers' issue 51; albeit a slight difference…)  
(**WARNING!** This is my most chaotic chapter yet.)

**Yesterday  
The Hood's Penthouse  
The Hood's POV:**

Outside the penthouse of Parker Robbins, otherwise known as the supervillain the Hood, all of the members of his crime syndicate were crowding the streets… waiting for his orders… though many were questioning his… leadership, some who were more… "A-list" suspected that a higher force was controlling him and thus it was only a matter of time for him to fall apart and the crime syndicate to disband and go with their ways…

Then, the syndicate felt an earthquake… followed by a crimson light from the penthouse…

"Um… what are we suppose to do? Run… or…?" the Wrecker from the Wrecking Crew asked apprehensively.

"No… wait," Black Talon said, "And hope that our 'leader' knows what he's up against inside…"

"Hey, guys, I have just heard from our mole from the O.W.C.A. that they're sending Agent P to hunt us down…"

Everybody was silent for five seconds, then laugh their a$$es out… "That platypus?! What is he gonna do?! Giving us that_ Kawaii_ look?!"

"Um, but his partner is Captain America… the second one… who has no qualms in killing…"

Again, everybody was silent for five seconds, and then moaned in unison, "We're so fu&*ed up."

…

"_You bow down before the great Dormammu, Parker Robbins… it pleases me that you finally respect our relationship…"_ Dormammu the Dread, who was as huge as that Sentinel, could be seen from Parker Robbins' enormous mirror, and Robbins himself, who was in comparison small as dormouse… was kneeling down… but not grovelling to respect his newfound Master; he, who was engulfed in brilliant crimson light, was in excruciating pain… his heart was as if in cardiac arrest but still beating for him… thus the agony was everlasting… his skull felt rupturing, his whole body was burning from hellfire and whole bones melting…. As if he was literally in hell… but still alive.

"It hurts so much," The Hood whimpered. "Why does it hurt so… much…?"

"_You asked for the power of the Dark Dimension… you asked for all its secrets… do you honestly think there would not be a price to pay?" _Dormammu explained in a matter-of-fact… as in teaching an algebraic equation.

"You… you lied to me…! You tricked me…" Parker bellowed.

Parker had expected Dormammu to get angry and then in anger kill him… to end this misery… but (un)fortunately, he was still nonchalant from the outburst… could the sonofabeach enjoy his suffering?

"_I did no such thing, mortal; You asked for power, now you have power."_ He said lazily. _"I told you what you have to do in order to gain full control of the Dark Dimensional Hellfire, but you refused."_

"I cannot find Dr. Strange! If he doesn't use magic, I can't locate him…"

But before the argument between the man and demon continued, the Crime Syndicate slammed through the door, panic-stricken, intending to warn the Hood of the impending danger… only to find more danger inside…

"Hey Boss, we got a situation… HOLY S#$%! What the f&*^k is that?!"

When Parker saw his syndicate came into his house uninvited/ without permission, two thoughts came into his minds: 'Get the f***k out of my house!" and standing up on his feet so that he wouldn't look so pathetic.  
"Get… the… _koff! Koff!_ F***k outta… my house… _koff! Koff!_" he moaned and coughing profusely; so much for reputation. However, the syndicate didn't seem to notice him as they'd seemed to crap their pants after Dormammu glared at them like a judge granting a death sentence. _"What is this, a__** 'Party In The U.S.A.'**__?"_ Dormammu growled; only the Wrecker had the guts to whimper, "What, he's a fan of Miley Cyrus?"

**Today,  
Googolplex Mall.  
Logan, Phineas & Ferb's POV: **

"Okay, kid, listen up." Logan finally decided to stop slacking around and act like a real sensei to Phineas. "I don't know what Victor… I mean Sabretooth, taught that Li'l Barney, exactly, but I DO know that it ain't some training that Richard Simmons do in his eccentric gym,"  
"Who's Richard Simmons?" Phineas asked curiously. "Exactly…" Logan rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, you don't wanna know what Li'l Barney had gone through."

**Flashback:**

**Wedgie's: The Gym For Bullies.**

**  
Victor Creed: **(passing a scroll) here's some tips in bullying those you don't like and how to tackle larger a$$holes.

**Buford: **Thanks, Mr. Sabretooth! (huge fan, by the way!)

Then, they high-fived.

**Now:**

"… And one last and crucial thing: if you think you're losing, just throw in the towel." Logan gave Phineas a small towel but he refused. "But what about all those things that you've…" Before Phineas could finish his argument, the referee had exclaimed, "Contestants, please come over!" Giving back the towel to Wolvie, ("Damn kid's gonna get himself killed!" he cursed softly.) Phineas and Buford went towards the referee. He then said, "Okay, boys. Let's have a fair and square fight and in no way should this ensuing fight contain the image of a potentially harmful, hurtful, or psychologically disturbing physical act that could be imitable by an impressionable child viewer." ("Oh, man!" Buford groaned.)

Well, since the referee said so, we just skipped to the part where Phineas was losing… (he had eaten Buford's Choke Slam, The Rock's Bottom and Clothesline from Hell, by the way)

"End of half time!" the referee shouted, and the audience booed. "The interval performance: **Know Your Enemy** by **Green Day**!"

Silent for a moment… and then the biggest cheer made by the audience yet!

"DANVILLE, SCREAM!" Billie Joe Armstrong of the Green Day band bellowed through his microphone… and all the crowds made a standing ovation. While they started shouting, "Hey! Yo!" (PS: you would know if you've been in the live concert), Phineas was groaning at the corner of the stadium, drinking his water and then telling Wolvie, "I don't think this is going so well." Before Wolvie could reply, Baljeet had cut in, "It's not over! Go for the gold! Fight fire with fire! Oh, shoot. Shoot him the stink eye! Uh, grease the pig! Aw, I got nothing."

"Mr. Logan, say something!" Isabella said exasperatedly.  
"Um… Can't hear you… too noisy…" But Wolvie had suddenly vanished from the children's sight as he was merged into the Green Day's crowds. "Where did he go?"

He was ambushed by Sabretooth, if you're wondering. Creed pulled Logan's jacket from behind, threw him off balance and then struck five, feral claws through Logan's heart!

"Silence is the enemy

Against your urgency

So rally up the demons of your soul"

As the crowds sang along the chorus of the song, not noticing the attack (you see, both of them were at the corner… ah, never mind, the point is, they weren't seen) Sabretooth took off his hand, licked his bloodied fingers (Finger Licking Good.) and told the seemingly lifeless Wolverine, whose body lay on the floor with blood spilled, "Happy birthday, Jimmy."

"The insurgency will rise

When the blood's been sacrificed

Don't be blinded by the lies in your eyes

Sing!

Well, violence is an energy, oh ay, oh ay

Well, from here to eternity, oh ay, oh ay

Well, violence is an energy, oh ay, oh ay

Well, silence is the enemy so gimme gimme REVOLUTION!"

**Yesterday,  
The Hood's Penthouse.  
The Hood's POV:**

It sucks to be famous. Why? Because everybody would want your A$$.  
It sucks to be a master of Dark Dimension. Why? Because you'll be in constant, horrible, f***ing pain.

Bottom line? It SUCKS to be the Hood.

"Let me get this straight..." Parker sat on his couch; he had begged Dormammu to temporarily reduce his power so that he could endure his pain.  
"Captain America is onto us."

"And a platypus..." one of the henchmen pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, duly noted; so we have 2 do-gooder sonofab**** onto us..."  
"Uh-huh."

"So? **What**'s the plan?" Doctor Demonicus asked.

"The plan? It's not **'what'**..." the Hood corrected. the syndicate raised their eyebrows, while the Hood grinned and made a phone call.

"The plan is **'who'**"

**12 hours ago...**  
"So, you want me to take care of these 2 clowns?" a dark figure asked the Hood in a dilapidated bar. "Uh-huh."

"And what do I get in return?" he asked again.  
"What do YOU want?" was Parker reply.

The dark figure smiled, popping his 2 black claws 'SNIKT!'... "I'll give you their heads tomorrow."

**Today,  
The Hood's POV:**

"Why must the rendezvous point be in Big Bang?" The Wrecker groaned.

"Big **BEN**." Dr. Demonicus rolled his eyes.

"Shush! Here comes his truck." The syndicate prepared themselves, then saw Daken in Captain Midlands costume grabbing 2 spherical bags, presumably their heads. "Bravo!" One of the syndicate said.

When the syndicate sighed in relief, Dr Demonicus ordered the man to show the content the bags whether they were really the heads of Bucky and Perry. Then, he threw one of it.

The Hood used his all-seeing eyes to check that...

"EVERYONE RUN! IT'S A BO...!"

_BOOM! _Most of the syndicate were incapacitated and injured by the power dampener explosion... they would be weak as a kitten even if they could stand.  
"That's not Daken!" The Hood hissed. "It's life model decoy!"

Then, suddenly the second bag was moving! The content moved faster than untrained eyes could see and it shot shurikens, subduing more syndicates. The only one left are Living Laser, the Wrecker, Purple Man and the Hood himself.

The content of the bag was none other than... Perry the Platypus!

"Agent P..." The Hood growled in contempt. "Should have known,"

_"Know your enemy, bub."_ Perry said, but again it is heard as a gibbering voice in human's ear.

Meanwhile, in Dr Doofenshmirtz's lab, Bucky came to arrest him for... well, whatever he was doing.

"Perry the Platy... hold on.. you are not Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz squeaked.

"The name's Barnes..." Bucky said, cocking his eyebrow. "James Barnes."

**To Be Continued.**


	5. Chapter 5

"**Know Your Enemy!" (Part 2)**

**Bucky & Perry the Platypus's POV:**

After they watched the unconscious Daken being taken into custody by the S.H.I.E.L.D… knowing that he wouldn't be in the bars for long, though… Bucky requested his superior Maria Hill to give him one of Nick Fury's Life Model Decoy in Captain Midlands' form, while Perry contacted his own superior Major Monogram _(how?)_ about the not-so-stunning turn of event… then all the parties discussed their next plan to thwart th Hood and his syndicate…

A plan so complex it was considered lame…

**Dr Doofenshmirtz's Evil Incorporated**

**(Located right underneath the Big Ben)**

You're my new temp?" Doofenshmirtz asked, still confused by the identity of Bucky, the cosplayer with the ridiculous costume of look-alike cross-over _ninja-and-UltraMan-and-Masked-Rider-but-with-'A'-on-his-forehead-and-flag-on-his-body_. "Are times that hard?"

"The name's Barnes," Bucky said, remembering the cool ending line from _Casino Royale_, "James Barnes."

"James _Barnes_? Don't you mean James _Bond_?"

"Um, no, I'm not…"  
"Oh, I get it… You lost the title to that Bond guy so you now tried to become a superhero… what the hey, smooth move,"

"First of all, there is NO SUCH PERSON called James Bond… (You need a professional help,) Second of all," Bucky pointed his Imanishi 17 handgun towards Doofenshmirtz's sorry head, "You are under arrest, Doofus-Man"  
Doofenshmirtz quickly grabbed a remote control & pressed one of its button; suddenly a restraint chained Bucky's two feet. "_Hey_!"

Angrily, he fired his gun towards Doofenshmirtz, but he was protected by an invisible barrier which surrounded his whole body. (He looked like a Doofus, but he ain't Doofus-Man for nothing…; _Waitaminnit, that sentence seemed contradictory…)_

"Oh! I must apologize, all my traps are designed specifically for platypuses only… you see, that should have chained your whole body" Doofenshmirtz mused.

"What about _this_ then?" Bucky pointed his finger to the top; what should be a blank wall was a bottom end of a HUGE rocket! "Oh that! I was glad you asked!"

"As you know my current lab is located right underneath the beloved Big Ben; my sight is getting poorer & poorer that the stupid number of this stupid watch of mine seems to be smaller and blurrier everyday. SO, I'm gonna fly the Big Ben with my rocket planted beneath it from London ALL the way to Danville, Tri-State Area… specifically RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOME!"

He explained his melodramatic plan with his hand-made toys and statuettes. He grabbed the small Big Ben figure, bringing it from the Europe map to USA map, marked Tri-State Area… "La-la-la-la-la, here I am waking up from my sleep, opening up my window and _voila!_" He put the Big Ben toy in front of his apartment toy, the clock right in front of his window. "YES! I'm a GENIUS!"

"…" Bucky's eyes opened wide like that anime character in shock and jaw slacked, speechless due to the ludicrousness of the whole plan.

"So… that… THAT is your whole plan?"

"Well, duh!" Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes, hands crossed. "So, what do you think?"

Now, it's Bucky's turn to roll his eyes and crossing his hands. "Am I in one of those hidden camera show?"

Bucky looked for any bugs or cameras, and then continued. "You DO realise you could have just bought a bigger watch or a wall clock??"

"Ah, yes, yes. But then you'll have to choose Timex or Omega or… then you still need to consider whether the price is worth it… it's so much more complicated…"

**Meanwhile  
Googolplex Mall.**

The cheers were getting more and more deafening; the 'Song of the Century' was sung _"louder than bombs and eternity"_; all the audiences seemed to have forgotten about the wrestling match (me included). All… but not Buford. He was looking for Phineas (and his gang) through the crowds when he found out that he had run away from the wrestling ring. _Let the hunt begin! _While Phineas had his head chased, Logan was in the brink of life and death… literally…

The funny thing was: Wolverine was still standing up… and ready to maul… eyes red and growling like a real…_ wolverine_. Logan was on a berserker rage.

Sabretooth, off guard, had walked away while wiping his bloodied claws. When Wolvie 'snikted' his claws, Victor (Creed) sniffed the danger, warned; he looked back, saw Wolvie who had leapt at him, and both bastards had growled loudly. Loud enough to alarm most audience near them. _Now, chaos ensued! _Logan's fangs bared and adamantium claws menacingly thrust full-frontal towards Creed's ugly face, who dodged by grovelling low towards the ground, grabbing sands from the floor for his strategy. Logan, undaunted, still continued to strike wildly. "Come to Papa…" Creed threw the sand from his hand towards Logan's eyes, blinding him temporarily, an old dirty, and parlor trick. A nigh perfect opportunity to strike him down! SNIKT! He clawed Wolvie's face & kicked his torso hard enough to send him into the chaotic crowds. Whether the audience were scared, excited, appalled or whatever, you can't surely tell (who can?) as the deafening and incoherent scream that made any eardrums ruptured was filled with mixed emotions. These shouts were the wake-up call for Logan to regain his consciousness. "'Bout bloody time." He said simply. Sabretooth, who hadn't realised that Wolvie had 'woken up', was searching for him who had blended with the colourful crowds. "C'mon, Jimmy, don't die on me yet. I'm having fun here; surely you are too."

"Fun?" SNIKT! Sabretooth's hand back was slashed. "HAVING FUN?!"

SNIKT! SNAKT! SNIKT!

Sabretooth didn't even have time to yell in pain… he was being sliced and diced all over by Wolvie as fast as lightning. Even the crowds didn't make any sound. The only one who made a thunderous voice was the performing Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong, who sang Know Your Enemy's verse.

Violence is an energy

Against the enemy

Well, violence is an energy, wah hey

"Touché." Ferb said. When he saw Wolverine violently decapitated Sabretooth… for like, I dunno, second or third time?

"Fun at getting slashed?! Fun at being attacked every year on your every f***ing birthday?! Fun at…" he couldn't finish… why? Because nobody would listen. Two: because once again he was on a berserker rage. Only this time, his rage couldn't be channelled on anybody in particular… so…

"This could be a problem" Ferb concluded, as he knew the enemy (Wolvie) that his enemy knew his new enemy... (geddit?)

**To Be Continued.**


	6. Chapter 6

**So Long, Bucky the Platypus!  
**

_Sing us the song of the century__  
__that sings like American eulogy__  
__the dawn of my love and conspiracy__  
__of forgotten hope and the class of 13__  
__tell me a story into that goodnight__  
__Sing us a song for me…_

**Googolplex Mall:**

Buford, who had almost given up on finding Phineas…, (He was in the midst of the running frightened crowds and the bloody battle of the two Lupus Sapiens/ mutants… surprisingly or not, he was undeterred) was revving up once again when he caught a glance of the red haired, triangle-headed, midget of Phineas! (And the Fireside Girls)  
"Found ya!" "Run, Buford, run!" Oh, sure, Buford ran… but not running away with Phineas… he was running _towards_ Phineas. Just as Buford was about to throw a punch at Phineas, the sudden loud roar resembling that of a lion's made his fist stopped mid-way. Then Buford eventually realised why the whole Green Day audience went gaga and why Phineas and the Fireside Girls was trying to escape from the mall, ignoring Buford's threat; Phineas's 'sensei' Wolverine had gone gaga! And when he went gaga, it's not funny... coz somebody would definitely die! Suddenly, his excitement of bullying turned into pure fear of getting bullied! When he saw Wolverine's red eyes glared murderously at the whimpering Buford, who had knelt down and started praying, "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…" Wolverine was still walking slowly, painstakingly towards Buford… who was chattering through his teeth, "For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen." Buford's Lord's Prayer, unfortunately, wasn't answered by the Lord 'cos… I dunno, He was busy? _(Or maybe He __doesn't__ exist in the first place. Look, somebody __would__ eventually SHOUT THAT OUT LOUD!)_ Wolverine had finally standing tall in front of the now seemingly puny Buford… who was crying pitiably… (Scratch that, he was crying comically) His legs were failing him, he couldn't move an inch… he was about to be killed… all the bullieds rejoice! Just when Wolverine was unsheathing his claws and trying to strike at Buford, Wolverine was suddenly groaning in pain and knocked out cold… FYI, he was lying on top of Buford.  
"What happened? How'd he just… die?" Isabella asked, bewildered. (Actually, Logan just fainted… duh) But Phineas chuckled, "I get it… Look!" He pointed his forefinger towards someone behind Wolverine: Ferb. "How did you do it, Ferb?" Everyone asked in unison. "Well, actually I…" But before Ferb answered, Buford moaned, "Can someone please get me out of here?"

(Moments later…)

"Thanks for not killing me, Mr Wolverine." Buford thanked Logan, who had regained consciousness. "Don't thank me, kid. Thank this green-head; he's the one who saves your life."  
"Okay, seriously, HOW did you do it?" Phineas asked Ferb.

"Oh, simple; it's a Vulcan death-grip."

When Phineas raised his eyebrow, clearly did not understand what that meant, Ferb sighed and moved closer towards Buford. "Here, let me re-enact it." He nerve-pinched Buford; groaning in pain, Buford knocked out cold. "Ah, déjà vu." Logan said gloomily.

"Ferb!"  
"What? You asked for it."

**The End…  
For the A-Plot Story.**

_I am a nation  
__A worker of pride  
__My debt to status quo  
__The scars on my hands  
__And the means to an end  
__Is all that I have to show_

**Meanwhile…  
London, Big Ben (about to be in Tri-State Area)  
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated…**

"So long, Perry the Platypus!"  
"It's Bucky (for the fifth time!) you idiot!"  
"Oh right, sorry,(It's a reflex, okay? Geez) So long Bucky the Platypus! _("I'm not a pla…! Ah you know what, never mind!" Bucky groaned.)_ I shall go to the top of the Big Ben which, FYI, should be taking off right about any moment, while you shall be incinerated by the rocket! Any last words that maybe I could fulfil for you? You know, for sentimental sake?"  
"Uh, yeah, take these chains off and let me go,"

"Okay then."

Doofenshmirtz really did that, by the way… even when Bucky had been released, in stead of immediately take Doofenshmirtz down, Bucky was flabbergasted and just stood there staring at the mad doctor (literally mad, maybe) like a sore thumb. "Er… what are you doing?" Bucky finally asked.  
"I'm releasing you. (Duh.) That was your last words, I just fulfilled it… where were my manners if I didn't do it?"

"Um, okay then," Bucky lunged at Doofenshmirtz as fast as he could, hoping he would just shut up, stood still, ended this charade and quickly went to Perry's aid. Speaking about the platypus' whereabouts… (He had been absent for a while)

**Perry's POV:**

**Then…**

The plan made by Bucky and Perry was initially simple: Take down Doofenshmirtz and The Hood along with their syndicates together. However, as soon as they had reached the place, they realized that the two were not in league at all; never mind in cahoots, they had absolutely no idea of each others' existence. They just happened to be a neighbour… yeah, that's right, a neighbour, as silly as it might sound. So, the agents hatched a plan to split up and take down the Hood and Doofenshmirtz individually… Bucky thought that Perry should take the Doofus-Man and he himself would take The Hood as both had histories on their own personal arch-nemesis. However, Perry didn't think so; best if the enemy didn't "Know Your Enemy." So, Bucky took Doofus-Man and Perry took the Hood and the syndicates. But Perry was of course no fool; He knew that he wouldn't be able to handle the whole chumps all by himself. So, Bucky called for him some reinforcement.

**Now…**

"Agent P…" Parker Robbins the Hood growled in contempt, his eyes were burning with hellfire, his twin handguns pointing straight towards the puny platypus. "Should have known…!" Then, his henchmen who were still standing (the others were out cold due to… oh you know right.), The Wrecker, Living Laser and Purple Man were immediately circling Perry, boxing him in. Perry tried to fire his shurikens again at the syndicates, however… "Stop. Taste your own medicine." Purple Man said in a commanding tone, his eyes flashing scarlet. Suddenly Perry's hands were moving against his will; they tried to cut Perry's neck with the shuriken in his holds! "Nicely done, Pussy Man." The Wrecker grinned. This, of course, angered Purple Man and he brainwashed the Wrecker to f*** himself (Don't ask me how did he do it.) "Look at the duck, he still managed to survive," Living Laser said when he saw Perry had the strength and the willpower to make his shuriken stop half a centimetre from slitting his throat. "Laser, go finish him off (And he's a platypus, Doofus, not a duck…)" the Hood ordered. When the Living Laser used pointed his fingertip at Perry, creating a laser-beam, and shot it (BOOM!) the man was knocked out cold… but it was not Perry, it was Living Laser. "What the f***?!" Perry grinned; _took them long enough. _Living Laser was blasted by a magic bolt... from the Sorcerer Supreme! _Ta-da! Here comes the reinforcements!_  
"Who is that? Black Dr Strange?"  
"They used to call me Brudder Voodoo," Jericho Drumm, now popularly known as Doctor Voodoo, said in pleasant baritone; he made hand-sign that was usually made by Spider-Man, his middle-finger and ring-finger closed but the other three fingers wide open (Can somebody PLEASE tell me what it was called?!) Suddenly, it was radiating with purplish aura and it shot towards Purple Man who was not fast enough to say a word; knocked back, he tried to utter a word in retaliation but couldn't make a faintest noise... To his horror, he found out that he had no mouth! Before he could react any further, Perry, who had been released from Purple Man's curse, made a jump-kick to Purple Man's face. "Foothammer Thunder Strike!" Perry yelled in Platypus language (if such a thing exists) 2 down... 2 to go...

The Wrecker, with a compulsive snarl, swing his crow bar at Perry, who dodged it effortlessly. But when he started to swing it with a deadlier and also generated it with some sort of energy, he knew he was in trouble. Just when the Doctor tried to help, a volley-shot of hellfire bullets from the Hood almost made several holes at Voodoo's forehead, if only he had not teleported in time... "Give me the eye... NOW!" the Hood hissed, not in his normal voice, but a mountain-rumbling voice from beyond.  
"What da hell is wrong wit' you?" Voodoo gasped.

When the whole reinforcements could be seen now (most of them consisted of the rosters of the New Avengers), 2 figures moved forward to stand side by side wit Voodoo.  
"Stephen, is that...?" The first person, _who had a fiery-hair (literally), pointed ears and an encircled, inverted pentagram birthmark on chest_, was Daimon Hellstrom, Son of Satan.  
"...Dormammu..." the second person, normally dressed in a flamboyant red cape, blue-shirt and a yellow gloves, now wore a better-looking normal black leather jacket, dark trousers, heavy boots, and v-neck jumpers of various colours (a reference to the Ninth Doctor).

"The EYE! GIVE ME THE EYE!" Now the Hood had transformed horrifically into a monstrous demonic entity... resembling Sammael the Hellhound from that movie Hellboy.

"Ooh... he wants the eeyyyee... preciiouusss eyyyeee... myy preeciiouusss.." One of the Avengers, Spider-Man, made an annoying banter (which I really loved). Then, he whispered to Luke Cage, "Seriously, what is this eye he keeps babbling about?"

"The Eye of Agamotto." Dr Strange, Dr Voodoo, Daimon Hellstrom and the Hood all answered in unison. ("How the hell did they hear me?" Spider-Man bemused.)

"Why don't you just give up the ridiculous farce... we know who you are, Faltinean bastard."

Then, once more, the Hood transformed, only now he was ENORMOUS and had a fireball for a head, his whole body resembling Balrog from that Lord of the Ring movie.

When he attacked the group with a huge flame of hellfire, the team managed to dodge, the triumvirate of the magicians had cast a barrier, protecting Perry, but the Wrecker? Not so lucky as he was singed like a marshmallow. ("Why?" he moaned.)

"Okay, groups, here goes; Ave..." Luke began but Spidey interrupted.  
"Oooh, ooh, can I please say it? Can I? Can I? I haven't done it before... PLEASEEEE???"  
("Whatever...")

Then Spidey shouted the two words Marvel fans would surely know.

"AVENGERS! ASSEMBLE!"

**The next thing that happened was of course the defeat of the Hood, the exorcism of Dormammu and so on and so forth (you could find out by reading New Avengers #54...) I am just too busy writing due to school and ideas for other stories...**

**B-Plot Story**

**The End...**

**(Waitaminnit...! I almost forgot!)**

"CURSE YOU! BUCKY THE PLATYPUS!"

Doofenshmirtz was seen flying up, up and away with the Big Ben towards the sky as Bucky just stared at the seemingly-shrinking Big Ben in the sky...

"I bet I'll get blamed for this..." Bucky cursed.

As what exactly happened moments after Bucky tried to attack Doofenshmirtz, leading to this ending, I leave it up to your imagination...

**Epilogue:**

"That was the BEST day of our summer vacation!" Phineas exclaimed after the whole gang bad Logan farewell.  
"I beg to differ; Our journey to that parallel dimension where the Earth was virtually infested by zombies was still the best day of our summer vacation, albeit it was more than one day..." Ferb pointed out.  
"Well, if you said so,"

**_The End... For Now._**

My Next Phineas & Ferb Crossover: **Zombieland.**


End file.
